Families on TV show us every week what it’s like to raise 8 and even 19 children.  But what about just one?

Raising - and being - an only child definitely has its benefits and challenges, but to find out exactly what those were, Insight sat down with two local parents of “onlies” as they’re sometimes called, Laura Sutphin, mother of 6-year-old Ian, and Annabelle Snyder, mother of 8-year-old Lili.

After talking with the parents, one of the most obvious differences made apparent in raising an only child as opposed to a child with siblings is the attention that the child receives.   Parents have more time for their only because they don’t have to perform the balancing act of trying to give each child equal amounts of love and attention.   However, even though only children don’t have siblings to compete with, they also don’t have any to play with; but Annabelle believes that where siblings are absent, friends can fill the void.

“An only child may feel lonelier in terms of less family, but definitely richer in terms of friends. Lili has a wide circle of friends and [she] makes them very easily,” says Annabelle.

Both Annabelle and Laura agree that only children tend to be more self-reliant and self-sufficient.   The task of learning to entertain themselves results in only children developing their own unique sense of creativity and resourcefulness.

“I think there is probably more pressure on an only child, whether put on by the parents or by him/her self, to succeed,” says Laura.  “They have to learn to be more on their own, whereas children with siblings have each other - which can be either good or bad.”

With siblings out of the picture, parents of onlies tend to find it easier to give their child everything they might need, and sometimes anything they want.  This presents the challenge of finding a healthy balance of how much to give without spoiling them.

“We are always reminding Lili of how many of her friends don’t have her opportunities.  Unlike her, they need to share toys, and may not be able to pick up a toy while out,” says Annabelle.

For Laura, her son must earn the things he wants. “We expect our son to have good manners, earn special treats - not just assume he can have them,” she says.  “We’ve tried to instill good values in him, not spoil him.”

But at the end of the day, the parents know their children do get special treatment.  The trick, they say, is to not let it go to their heads.

“Lili may be spoiled in certain areas but we never give her everything that she wants,” says Annabelle.  “We are always reminding her about what she has and how blessed she truly is.”

Article by Erika Finnimore